It’s been a while since I posted, I know. Life has this way of intruding on my plans. Who knew that my mom would break a vertebrae and the B-man would need another scope. So I’ve been doing the sandwich thing of caring for my momma and taking care of my bambinos, who constantly remind me they aren’t babies any longer.
As I’ve said, life is a journey and that journey is not a straight shot from point A to point B. There are detours, dead ends, short cuts and rest stops along the way. Sometimes we sail. Others we fly. Then there are the times we sit in traffic, stuck for hours because someone was texting and driving and thought they could avoid an accident, but didn’t. Some are good, some are awful, but all are educational IF (and I know it’s a BIG if) you take the time to experience them.
Losing my dad was a huge detour; more like a derailment. My hubby and I always say 2006 had the potential to be the worst year ever. We lost my dad, we bought a house right before the housing bubble burst (and it’s still under water), his dad became ill, we discovered the joys of an anxious child and our downward financial spiral took hold. Now, we could have wallowed in the pit, but there was one light that outshone the darkness of it all. In September, 2006 after all the awfulness of that year, our beloved B-Man joined our family. Family additions are always joyous, but his was especially sweet after all the bitterness we’d experienced. At that time, I felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of my life. But I hung in there. I learned that I’m a heck of a lot stronger than I thought. I learned that God gave me a husband who is EXACTLY who I need based on my weaknesses and my strengths. I learned that God is good and so much bigger than the box I’d put Him in. I also learned that God does, indeed, have a sense of humor. If you’ve met the B-man you know that’s true.
So if losing your dad is a derailment, having cancer like being on the Titanic. You know you’re going down, and there may or may not be a life boat for you. If you do make it to the life boat, your life is never the same. People tell me they don’t know how I kept my sense of humor in tact during cancer. Truth is, I didn’t. There were many days I called Coach Cathy in tears saying I was ready to quit. I wanted no part of the chemo and was done. She reminded me that I had two boys and a husband who loved me, needed me and depended on me. I didn’t care. I was so miserable I wanted to die. Yes, I truly would have embraced death. Then, I pulled myself up out of the pit and decided that if I could just make it for the next hour or until my husband came home, or until my next Ativan, I would be fine. And I was. So I drew on my eyebrows, straightened my scarf and made another chicken casserole (we lived on those when I was in chemo. Do you know how many chicken casseroles are on All Recipes? Tons!)
It was only by God’s grace and having walked through a dark valley before that I was able to keep my sanity and my sense of humor. I realized that chemo was a detour, albeit a long one, on my journey. Chances were good that I wouldn’t be hanging out there forever and that, while life would be different, it would still be my life. God knew that I wouldn’t be able to stand alone, that I would need a posse to keep me in check. Coach Cathy, Second Mom Kelley, Momma Renie, Sista Sue and my Angel in Blue were standing in the gap propping me up as the hands and feet of God when I couldn’t do it alone. Everybody needs a posse. They help keep the bad guys in life in check. Thank your posse today.
Life (and that other thing) happens. It happens whether you want it to or not. How you handle what happens is what’s important. As for me, I’m taking the next road God put on my GPS (I finally have a smart phone so I’m embracing the tech). I’m ready to ride.